Life is a funny. For me life was all about enjoying the journey and I keep telling myself I am happy no matter what. I keep reminding this shit all the time and one fine day I woke up and I realize I can't be happy all the time and I have feelings too. I like being sad sometimes. Its OK to be sad. I am already in my late 20's and soon will be in my 30s. My dad had two sons at my age. This is a good indication that I am not young anymore and I was almost half through my life. Yeah that's right, half through, with almost no bank balance or car or even a house for that matter. Life gets tougher every second, I can't be happy go lucky anymore, life has taken a turn, a sharp one that too. My parents are getting old and they are getting weak every day, a sudden chill runs through my body, almost making me froze and left me gasping for some air of hope. A hope that things will get better, but, not like before, this time I have run out of that too. I can't hope for anything anymore. I am too tired of hoping for things. I hate that word anyway. The burden of responsibility was something I am not good at. But, it was inevitable. Life is not easy- it wasn't anyway.
The only questions that keeps on hovering in my mind was 'what exactly went wrong?'. I was an average student, an average employee, an average looking guy. I am the average guy. I have not taken enough risk, I have not taken the step forward when I had the chance, I was too afraid to lose my average tag- fear of losing that thing, the average thing. I convinced myself that I am an average guy and going beyond was not my thing. I was too afraid to take 'that' leap of faith. After doing some soul searching I realize the problem lies with my obsession with being the 'average'. I used to dream big and I say to myself, whom am I kidding with. I have ideas and I dream BIG, sometimes. Ideas are never implemented and I bore myself to death with my dreams. There lies the problem.
Yes, I have been a cry baby, complaining about things, some may even say I had a good life and had everything(at least the basics)- partly true. But the truth is I had to fight at every step of life- emotionally and mentally- not physically so far though. Life has been hard for me and this has been a HUGE factor in making me an average. I choose to be an average because I was too afraid to lose the things I already had. Or maybe I am too lazy and lacks motivation. Saying that life is hard will be both politically and logically wrong. I had three meals a day, proper education and a good platform for my career. Yes, I am completely wrong to say or even mentioned anything near that. The fault lies in me and I am not going to blame anyone for anything, I will not be doing justice to anyone or even to myself. I had a good life- the problem lies again, in being average. I being too lazy, too afraid, too laid back.
The only questions that keeps on hovering in my mind was 'what exactly went wrong?'. I was an average student, an average employee, an average looking guy. I am the average guy. I have not taken enough risk, I have not taken the step forward when I had the chance, I was too afraid to lose my average tag- fear of losing that thing, the average thing. I convinced myself that I am an average guy and going beyond was not my thing. I was too afraid to take 'that' leap of faith. After doing some soul searching I realize the problem lies with my obsession with being the 'average'. I used to dream big and I say to myself, whom am I kidding with. I have ideas and I dream BIG, sometimes. Ideas are never implemented and I bore myself to death with my dreams. There lies the problem.
Yes, I have been a cry baby, complaining about things, some may even say I had a good life and had everything(at least the basics)- partly true. But the truth is I had to fight at every step of life- emotionally and mentally- not physically so far though. Life has been hard for me and this has been a HUGE factor in making me an average. I choose to be an average because I was too afraid to lose the things I already had. Or maybe I am too lazy and lacks motivation. Saying that life is hard will be both politically and logically wrong. I had three meals a day, proper education and a good platform for my career. Yes, I am completely wrong to say or even mentioned anything near that. The fault lies in me and I am not going to blame anyone for anything, I will not be doing justice to anyone or even to myself. I had a good life- the problem lies again, in being average. I being too lazy, too afraid, too laid back.
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