The Year 2015- A personal blog.

The Year 2015 was quite eventful for me. Eventful for many reasons, I got three job offers, completed Masters degree, moved to a completely new country with a very contentful job and what not.

The above description seems to be taken out of a fairy tale and a smooth ride with good things happening in a row. True. Good things do happen in life but, what people miss seeing is the nerve breaking hard work that one has to do to achieve those. All the sleepless nights in the library, the early morning lectures, the 4 hours journey to an interview with less than 2 hours of sleep or none at all, the financial crunch that every (most, I believe) overseas student faces during their studies, mine was exceptionally hard, considering the fact that I have taken a loan from bank and need to manage everything with a limited budget. Trust me, it was difficult. I remember the time when I had to wait for the discount to start in the supermarket (generally between 9-10pm) to get food at a cheaper rate (those expiring the same day), traveling by cheapest mode even if it means extra travel time and less sleep (for an interview), never eating out and many more. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining but, I am glad in a way that it happened. It helps me be a better person, respect financial matter and makes me stronger mentally and emotionally in some way.

To make things a little better, I had to take up a part time job working 4 hours per week and I was lucky to find a work in the lab and it was assisting students (I got really lucky there and good things happen to good people, can't help adding that ;)). The hardest thing was applying for jobs and getting rejected, partly because I was an oversea student and will need VISA sponsorship and partly because I was not good enough (at that time at least). The year 2015 starts off with challenges in all possible directions which include handling/juggling between a part-time job, applying for jobs and traveling 8 hrs per day for an interview (with ending in rejections, you have no idea how frustrating that could be) and Master thesis/dissertation/project (which somehow was a difficult one). Oh yeah, I almost forgot about the stress of the depleting fund in my bank balance. It was stressful, frustrating and good learning experience (I need to end with some positivity :)).

Adding to all these, my mom's health was deteriorating for some reason (ya, shit happens). I was emotionally depleted with job applications going nowhere and a neck deep financial situation. Literally, I was in deep shit and every now and then, I would curse myself for leaving a job in pursuit of what seems like to be (at that time) a stupid dream. But, then something happened- I did not give up. I sent in more applications, I started spending most of my free time in the library (read 15-18 hours) and I started enjoying my part time job (which was a great add-on to my resume). My project was going well as well.

Long story short, I stayed positive and ended with three job offers, a teaching assistance experience from my part time and my project was nominated for the best project at the Master's level.

I am not a very smart guy or an intelligent one but, I realized that the worst brings out the best in me.

Never give up. Never.

----------------------------------------------EOB----------------------------------------------------------------

Update:

Jan 2015: No job, no money, loans.

December 2015: Job, which I am doing well, Cleared my loan with the joining bonus, got some money in my account :). All I want is my mom to be healthy and with the vacation planned for next week, I will make it right.

Happiness.

'Zero' Expectation.

Yes, expecting none is a way of being happy. Life is full of challenges and you will have certain expectations and when you do not meet or achieve those expectations, your mind automatically turns on the 'un'-happy mode. Honestly, the last few months has been tidBit difficult for me and I realize how soon you tend to feel sad. Its just funny and annoying how you react to certain situations or shall I say certain situations, controlling your emotions and life as a whole.

Life is full of expectations and you are taught to expect, and its ok to expect but its not ok to make the outcome of the expectation control you. It takes an enlightened mind to do that (I am definitely not talking about the self-acclaimed babas and gurus) and I am not the enlightened soul (very few has achieved enlightenment). I expect and fall into the trap like everyone else. So, what I can do about it? Its easy to discuss a problem but the important thing is to come up with a solution. The solutions will not be easy and it will not be one liner. The first thing that comes to my mind is to let go of what is causing me sadness- 'the expectation' and I ask the same voice (inside me) are you kidding me? I am human and I am programmed to expect, its like breathing. well almost like breathing (happy?). The second thing that automatically comes was to lower my expectation, well, this is a very doable and this is something I need to do, but there is a catch here- your ego comes into play and ruin everything- you ego will ask why to expect less when you can expect more. so, the solution is to kill the ego and expect to fail and accept to live with it. 

Life seems to be a never-ending loop of sadness for some and never ending loop of happiness for others. The idea is to give your best shot without expecting anything in return, learn from your mistakes and contribute to the society, help whenever you can.

The HR interview!

The HR interview is one of the most relaxing and enjoyable interview, not because it is easy but because the result is always unpredictable. Below is an excerpt of the interview.

HR: Why do you feel that our company is better than your current company?
Me: I do not feel or think your company is better than my present company.

HR: (a little surprised) oh! then why do you want to come here? From a better company to a lesser better company?
Me: Because of money. My present company pays less and it will take atleast 2-3 years to earn what I will earn if I make a switch now.

HR:(pretty amused by now) : So, you are financial minded? What if some other company offer you a better package than us? Will you still join us?
Me(thinking to myself-who does not): At the moment, I do not have any offers and if I happen to secure a better offer, I will discuss if you can offer me a better one.

HR:(completely uninterested) : OK! thanks Michael. We will let you know. Thanks a lot for coming.
Me: Thanks for your time as well. Have a nice day.

Well, the outcome is very predictable and people who are in IT industry will definitely know what the result will be. I was brutally honest and I do not had any HR interview experience(that being my first HR interview after my first company, my first company was a campus hire so it was straight forward).

I was expecting a positive response as my technical rounds were good. After a few mail reminder that runs through 2-3  weeks, I finally got an email saying I am not selected. Funny aint it?

Heaven's delight!:)

Heaven is a place where you have no problem, none at all. Good food, nice girls-dancing to your delight, a disease free body and what not... an endless pleasure for the rest of your life..err..afterlife. I simply can't agree with the fact of its existence, not just because I do not believe in afterlife but also I think its a crap(Ya seiously!). You get what you do in this life, not in your next life or in any life after that. Religion has its way of making people believe to such an extend that they are ready to give up everything in the name of it. I dream of a 'religion-less' world. I dream of a world with people not hating each other because of religion. I am from India and I have seen people killing each other in the name of religion, friends turning foes, neighbour hating each other - and they believe they are God's army or some shit like that.

Anyway, I am not here to change the world. I can't, yes, can't is an easy word. People may just say- you just give up without even trying. Yes, I give up and I am not taking the pain to try to convince people to follow no religion and become more 'HUMAN'. I find it difficult to change my job leave alone changing the whole world. But, I believe if I am destined to do something I will do it and if I am not I will never despite how hard I try. So, for time being lets just leave 'if I try to change the world or not' topic alone.

I was talking about heaven, heaven do exist, not in God's land. It is everywhere. There is heaven in a child's smile on streets who has very little yet happier than most of us, in the serene of your countryside, in holding hand of your loved ones, a baby's smile. Its everywhere, you need to feel it. The difficult part is how you feel it. If a person's mind is filled with greed, jealousy and hatred, he/she can never feel heaven let alone living in one. You need to let yourself go of all those negations to feel it. I am not a spiritual guru but I think its a simple thing yet not so easy. Thou who learns how to let go of all the negations has the heaven in his name- not afterlife but in this life, and afterlife he will rest in peace.

Being 'the' average.

Life is a funny. For me life was all about enjoying the journey and I keep telling myself I am happy no matter what. I keep reminding this shit all the time and one fine day I woke up and I realize I can't be happy all the time and I have feelings too. I like being sad sometimes. Its OK to be sad. I am already in my late 20's and soon will be in my 30s. My dad had two sons at my age. This is a good indication that I am not young anymore and I was almost half through my life. Yeah that's right, half through, with almost no bank balance or car or even a house for that matter. Life gets tougher every second, I can't be happy go lucky anymore, life has taken a turn, a sharp one that too. My parents are getting old and they are getting weak every day, a sudden chill runs through my body, almost making me froze and left me gasping for some air of hope. A hope that things will get better, but, not like before, this time I have run out of that too. I can't hope for anything anymore. I am too tired of hoping for things. I hate that word anyway. The burden of responsibility was something I am not good at. But, it was inevitable. Life is not easy- it wasn't anyway.

The only questions that keeps on hovering in my mind was 'what exactly went wrong?'. I was an average student, an average employee, an average looking guy. I am the average guy. I have not taken enough risk, I have not taken the step forward when I had the chance, I was too afraid to lose my average tag- fear of losing that thing, the average thing. I convinced myself that I am an average guy and going beyond was not my thing. I was too afraid to take 'that' leap of faith. After doing some soul searching I realize the problem lies with my obsession with being the 'average'. I used to dream big and I say to myself, whom am I kidding with. I have ideas and I dream BIG, sometimes. Ideas are never implemented and I bore myself to death with my dreams. There lies the problem.

Yes, I have been a cry baby, complaining about things, some may even say I had a good life and had everything(at least the basics)- partly true. But the truth is I had to fight at every step of life- emotionally and mentally- not physically so far though. Life has been hard for me and this has been a HUGE factor in making me an average. I choose to be an average because I was too afraid to lose the things I already had. Or maybe I am too lazy and lacks motivation. Saying that life is hard will be both politically and logically wrong. I had three meals a day, proper education and a good platform for my career. Yes, I am completely wrong to say or even mentioned anything near that. The fault lies in me and I am not going to blame anyone for anything, I will not be doing justice to anyone or even to myself. I had a good life- the problem lies again, in being average. I being too lazy, too afraid, too laid back.

Regret.

Life is a misery for who regret at anything and a waste for who regret at none.

I am not a poet or a philosopher but, from my experience I have drawn the above "Dramatic" conclusion. Its complicated. I have seen people complaining about how they should have done this or that, the irony is if he has done 'this' he would be complaining about 'that' or the same way around. The ideal way will be to learn from it and move on- which is why no one is ideal.

The other day I got my final exams result of a module and found out that I was short of 2 marks for a distinction- I thought it must be a mistake and start looking at my answer sheet and well yes, it was a mistake, a lot of it and that too silly ones but from my side. I smack my forehead in a dramatic way and keep on reminding myself how stupid I was- I really felt stupid that day and I keep on regretting it. I would have been more happy if it was for a honest 'I don't know this shit and I deserve it' but, all way I knew the module and because of some stupid idiotic silly mistakes I was paying heavily for it. For a day or two I keep on cursing myself and I promise myself this will be my last silly mistake(s).

I intend to keep my promise this time.

Cheers!- as always :)

Oh ya I am getting Bald!

Oh ya I am getting bald and the credit goes to the IT industry and water in Bangalore, Pune, Mangalore and Delhi (and air, dust et-cetra). I can still remember those days when I used to wear a new hair style every other day. Well, depending on my mood on what I would like to be that day, weather the center cut of 'tere naam' or the spikey of some rockstar or just the plain old uncle 'ji' style or just the un-kept baggy style. I agree that nothing last forever but never thought that I will go bald before my dad, my dad still has the famous (young)Rajnikant hair style. Like all good things comes to an end even this one comes with an expiry date and mine was a little too early. Some people will never understand how it feels to see a handful of hair on his hand after applying the best 'hair fall control' shampoo, they say you will get your prince charming looks in just few days-weather be it a fairness cream or a 'get tall' pill(both ways ;)) or anything as a matter of fact. The bottom line is they all lied. Nothing works(not that I have tried all of it). I even know a guy who secretly takes long look pills, well, was not so secret anymore after I caught him in the act. I can still remember how convincingly he was telling me that it actually works- the funny part is I met him after almost 6 years in Bangalore and well his height is still the same though I didn't mentioned anything about it(some of my friends will know who that short guy is).

Even Dr. Batra starts sending me promotion e-mail, I mean how did they do it? How did they even know that I am getting bald and may probably need a hair transplant or a treatment-its funny and at the same time amazing how the Indian marketing research works-maybe they look for random people with less hair or BALD people and try to find the details of that person, just a wild guess inspired by all those FBI shit.

Anyway, I am not really worried as my 'nice' girlfriend doesn't mind me being a bald headed though she keeps asking me if I am taking good care of my  'soon to be extinct' hairs and the random jokes that she cracks once in a while when I send a selfie. Its not that I have not tried to save it or I am not taking care of it. The truth is I am tired and I think its ok to be bald and still looks kewl (well you have Van diesel or Dwyan Johnson as two perfect examples). The thing is I don't have the looks of either of them or anything nearby. I am just an asian guy who looks like a monk(I am not saying its not cool to look like a monk but its just not very nice).

To conclude on a positive note I have Salman bhai, Harsha bhogle, Shewag and few other people whom I know(not personally though), who had done hair transplant and they looks pretty normal and nice. :) Its funny to see what money can do and funnier to know that I do not have any of it.

cheers!